Hesitation is the mycelium network of FEAR.

After spending 17 days surfing across Mexico and Costa Rica, I reflected on the past five years filled with career shifts, relationship endings, menopause, and financial disruptions. I realized that hesitation had spread like a fungus through my mindset.

As a high-fire, risk-tolerant leader, I used to reject hesitation, guided by an internal compass, a supportive community, and the privilege that reassured me everything would be fine. However, when my "True North" was shaken, my relationship with taking risks changed.

At the beginning of the trip, I found myself still hesitating the SAME way I have after two decades of surfing:

"The wave is too big."

"I won't make the drop."

"Stop paddling."

As it progressed, this trip taught me to view surfing not just as a sport to conquer but as an ecosystem, a dance, a romance, and PLAY to embrace. And, turning 50 during this journey prompted me to confront how hesitation has held me back.

At 50, I chose to reject hesitation! I committed to every wave, celebrated my successes, wiped out, and even earned three stitches in a Mexican ER after an accident. I would do it all again because on the other side of that "Oh Sh*t" moment was a version of me I thought I’d lost.

What a Leadership Lesson!

In the SERAL stages of our lives and careers, hesitation can present two faces:

- Intuition: The protective "whoa, horsey" moment. Pull back, reassess.

- Fear’s Bedfellow: The voice that warns, "Imagine how wrong this could go."

When we lead from hesitation, we hinder our ability to build bridges from ourselves to others. We pull back when we should be paddling into the "big waves" of what is next and mentorship.

So now, Im exploring the counter-hypothesis of hesitation and fear: When you feel that pull-back, challenge yourself with the question fear dreads: "What if this goes really well? How good could it actually get?"

Stop judging the gap in your own confidence. Start paddling!

Go for the wave and see how magical it might feel.